Today as I sat in the courtroom waiting for the cases I had planned to write about I thought about choices.
Every single person in the courtroom was there because of a choice they had made. The majority had made bad or poor choices and now faced serious consequences.
Attorneys, judges, bailiffs, prison guards, probation officers, victim advocates and journalists had made good choices but were still in the courtroom doing their jobs.
I get irritated by those who use the excuse because of choices others had made causing them problems, for example child abuse, sex abuse, domestic violence or a car accident, that they cannot go forward with their lives. Or they use the past to justify why they choose to abuse drugs, alcohol, others or themselves.
True, I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws I'm afraid if someone looks at me close they will see an ugly monstor. But I had choices. I could have chosen to wallow in my pain and not go forward. Instead, I chose to go forward.
I admit there are days it's hard to get out of bed. There are times I just want to stay home with the door shut and pretend no one is out there.
I don't know how many times I have cried over the past and not just my past as an abused, neglected child/teenager, but as a mother who made mistakes, some more serious than others.
But all I can do is go forward and pray that the sun will come up another day.
Or as Maxine said today, "I like to celebrate Earth Day by gloating that I'm not under it yet."
I'm so glad you are blogging, and that I can read it from Philly! This is good for me to read, Matthew is just beginning to realize he doesn't have to let his past define him and it's quite the revelation for someone who hasn't contemplated it as a possibility before.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm totally sharing that Earth Day quote forevermore.