Childhood

Yesterday I almost fell apart when a coworker noticed I was using a purple pen with purple ink to write some notes in my day minder.

He said, "You must of been one of those girls who had lots of Barbies."
I never owned a Barbie. I always wanted a Barbie.
Why?
Because my mom said I was too old for a Barbie. My younger sisters had Barbies, complete with outfits.
I made sure my daughters had Barbies with lots of clothes and accessories. Jennica loved the littel Kimberly dolls with all the accessories.
Anyway, quite suddenly my eyes filled with tears as I said, "I never owned a Barbie. My mother wouldn't let me have one."
Yesterday was also my youngest sister's birthday. She is 47. I am 51.
As a child, from second grade on, I was the one who got up at 5 a.m. with my mom, made her breakfast and lunch so she could go to work. I then got my three younger sisters up and got their breakfasts, packed lunches and helped them with their hair and find their clothes. Sometimes I went to school with a red sock on one foot and a blue sock on another foot so my sisters could wear matching socks. Sometimes my socks had holes in them so my sisters wouldn't have to wear socks with holes. But sometimes we all had to wear socks with holes.
I love buying socks. To me, a drawer full of socks means I will never have cold feet.
I love riding bicycles mostly because my mom's husband took my bicycle away after he married my mom and wouldn't let me have one because I "could get hurt," when really it meant I could go places without him knowing where.
My mom is trying to fix the wrongs of the past, but the past still hurts.
I am more emotional this week than I have been in a long time. I know part of it is because of the wedding coming up and trying to get everything done. There isn't really a lot to do. Maybe I'm just worrying about the things my daughter needs to do and hoping for the best for her and Tyler.
It's the little things, like Barbie dolls and socks, that get to us I think. The little things that makes us stop and remember.
Do I want a Barbie now?
No.
But I love pens with lots of different color inks. I love socks and soft T-shirts. I love sitting outside under my Aunt Eliza tree and watching the day slip by.