Venting part 2: This is a 30-day series to help improve me mentally and physically. Let's see how this works in 30 days or if I can keep up with it.:)
My support system is the topic today. I do have a fairly good support system, but sometimes I do feel alone facing my dragons and demons.
Being alone is scary. Feeling alone is even more frightening to me. I can be in a room with a ton of people who I know love me and/or respect me and I feel as if there is no one to talk to. Many times those are the times when my guests, usually family members, want to visit with each other and play games.
Because of my childhood, I have few real friends. I know there are people in the community and neighborhood who are friends, but I don't feel like there are any real friends. Few, if any call, just to see if I'm alive. Rarely do I get a call to join a book club or go for a walk or shopping or out to lunch. I do have one friend who does make it a point to call me once a month and we go to lunch. She's really sick right now and it will be at least a month before we go to lunch and laugh at silly things.
If I do want to do something with someone I make the phone calls and invite.
So get over it, I tell myself. At least people are willing to join me most of the time.
My mom was divorced when I was five. We moved to a small Utah town, where divorced, working women were looked down upon, therefore, their children were considered bad influence upon other children. Instead of inviting me and my sisters into their homes and caring for us, we were shunned and left on our own.
I think that is why I always tried to keep the door open for my children's friends, no matter who they were or what their family circumstances were. I didn't know until years later, our home was a refuge for two children whose parents were going through a rough patch.
Anyway, mom remarried. He wouldn't allow friends over very much and definitely wouldn't allow us to go to a friend's house. He was a control freak with a lot of other issues.
But I know I can call my sisters and we can talk about stuff. I also know I can talk to my husband about stuff. He is my best friend. Only a few times have I had a major break down in the middle of the day while he was at work and he has been there, either on the phone, or one time, in his office (after I dropped off our children at a safe location), when I've lost it. When I say I've lost it, it's like crying, can't get control of my emotions and feeling more than overwhelmed with life.
It was one friend who told me her favorite phrase in the Bible is "This too shall pass" and it usually does and that is why God made rainbows.
So I've taken that and say, "Get over it," when I'm feeling alone. I'm not alone. I have you, my friends, who read this. I have you, my family, who reads this. And most importantly, I have me.
Me, who generally smiles and is ready to take on the world.
So if you want to go for a walk, out to lunch, shopping or just come over and crochet, read a book or just hang out, call or email me. I'd love to be part your support system!
I am terribly prone to loneliness too. My mother has never in my memory had "hang-out" friends, and I have no idea if/how that plays into it, but I often find young-motherhood especially to be painfully isolating. I've been reading Pres. Monson's biography and have been so impressed with his ability to never ever dwell on himself. He's so much more able to notice and bless other people when he's set himself aside. That's something I need to remind myself to work on about every 2 weeks.
ReplyDeleteTo true, Em.
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